– How to break-up even when you are afraid
– When you have to “chicken” out
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” – Jim Morrison
So you’re no longer fooling yourself; this relationship isn’t working. You’re no longer hiding in the shadow of excuses, you’ve owned the truth that you want out. And it doesn’t even matter what the reasons are; you’re no longer feeling it or you never felt it in the first place (you don’t even know why you started it). Or maybe the other person has been replaced by another person (at least in your heart for now, I hope. We know it happens). All of these reasons (and the many more available) can only point you in one direction; you need to break-up (ASAP!).
But there’s a problem; you just can’t summon the guts to tell them you want out. Perhaps you made too many promises too early and you can’t handle the fact that you’ll be dishing out a major disappointment. Maybe your resolve is being destroyed by how sweet and loyal this person has been to you. In short, your guilty conscience is making a coward out of you and while you could act up, create a fight and use it as an excuse to get out, you’re trying to be a decent person because you know the other party hasn’t really done anything to hurt you. Let’s face it, if you had something concrete on them (in the department of misbehaviour and infidelity), you would not be here by now. You realize that if you’re going to earn the badge of the decent person you’ve always claimed to be, you’ll have to look them in the face and tell them the bitter truth that you don’t want to be with them anymore.
Well I tell you this; you don’t have to look them in the face to break-up with them. Yes, it would be the most respectful and decent way to do it but hey, it’s becoming quite clear (to you) that you just don’t have the “liver” for that. So the next best thing becomes how to do it without being wicked or roping any false accusations on the other person. It is better to do things like a coward than to do them like a liar or a devil.
For me, the best and most humane way to breakup with the boo you can’t face is to call them and tell them that you’re sorry but it’s over. Don’t talk too much, just tell them that is what you’re feeling and you’d appreciate it if they took it in good faith (really?). After that, you might be able to have a one-on-one conversation with them (because it usually gets easier once you’ve said it, I hope).
But maybe you’re a greater coward and even the thought of a phone conversation fills you with trepidation, then by all means, I advise you to send a text or an email. Yes it’s bad, I know but I tell it’s better than stringing them along or cheating on them. Both of you deserve better.
But if you’re a real chicken and you can’t even do this, I reluctantly agree that perhaps you could find yourself a “messenger” who would be willing to brave the risk of delivering this (bad) news. And let me be the first to tell you that this is a very low thing to do (except the person is a psycho with violent and destructive tendencies) but at least you will be helping them to get free of you (and your low self).
After you do what you have to do, feel bad if you want to but my advice for you is to forgive yourself quickly and find a way to stop being such a coward. So that you don’t have to ever repeat such a gruelling process ever again because, truth be told, break-ups are already hard enough as it is.