– How to express your anger effectively
– How to manage your displeasure and your relationships
Relationships and Anger-Management
Anger and displeasure are part of life; in fact, they are a part of everyday life. While you may not get angry every day, you will find reasons to be displeased and angry from time to time. Sometimes, we get angry at random things and random people that we might never see again; when that happens we’ll probably need to exercise patience and self-control rather than try to start a discussion. When it comes to those we are in relationship with, whether our colleagues, family members or loved ones, we must understand that bottling up or refuse to let them know of our displeasure is not a good thing. The only other alternative which is just as bad expressing is our angry in a way that is hurtful or destructive,
So instead of stuffing down our feelings or allowing ourselves to be driven by blind rage, we must settle in the middle ground of learning to express anger in a decent and effective way.
Here are some useful tips:
Don’t speak as soon as an event that gets you angry occurs or while you still feel very strongly about it. Wait, process it in your mind and allow yourself to get less aggravated. You just might find that you understand things better and may discover that your anger is misguided. If you still feel the displeasure without the fury then you need to communicate it.
Sometimes, when people are displeased about something a friend or a loved one has done, they begin to avoid them or even avoid making eye-contact with them. This will not help; gather yourself to have that conversation instead going somewhere else when that person steps into the room or avoiding their calls.
If this is your consistent pattern when you are angry, you are killing your relationship. It’s really bad if you’re doing that with a spouse or partner.
Find a way to really calm yourself before you have that talk; maybe, take deep breaths, listen to music or drink some tea?
Say What You Feel
Your anger is a subjective feeling, no matter how many people you consulted and how many people agreed that you had a right to be angry. Because of this, when you try to communicate with that “offender”, tell them how their actions or words made you feel. Don’t make categorical statements about what they intended to do or why they did it.
When you talk about what and how you felt, you are likely get them to understand you and be empathetic towards you. This can bring about an apology and a future change in behaviour. If you make judgement calls and accusations, you are most likely to get them defensive and unwillingly to listen to you. You might even get a fight.
Don’t pretend to happy or unbothered when you’re actually angry and displeased. Don’t use something else as an opportunity to make snide remarks or accusations. It’s unhealthy and low.
Talk about the real issue and your true feelings; even if you don’t get an apology or any other reactions that you might’ve expected, you will feel much better.
Stand your Ground
Sometimes, no matter how maturely or politely you presntyour feelings, people will react with aggressive, justification, or unreasonable counter-accusations. It’s usually a ploy to get you to back down; sometimes they feel guilty and decide to be defensive. A few times, they might actually believe they are right.
Whatever the case is, you owe to yourself and even them to speak the truth. Don’t shy away from the truth of an event or your feelings even when the other person doesn’t like it. They might shout and rant but they’ll respect you better and understand that you won’t be putting up with shit.
You’ll probably get better behaviour the next time or they’ll take their shit elsewhere.
You don’t want to be angry all the time so try as much as possible to let your bitterness go, no matter the outcome of your conversation. You are doing yourself, and not the other person, a great favour.