MY SPOUSE, MY BEST FRIEND (Prov. 18:1, 19, 24)
If you were asked to put up an advert requesting for a friend, what would it read? Maybe it would read “Best Friend Wanted.” Qualities include – must be a genuine Christian (if you too are one), must be interested in what I do, must contribute to my progress, must be ready to spend time with me, etc. The list could go on and on depending on the individual.
The Bible says a friend also must show himself friendly. Be a woman that a man wants rather than a woman who wants a man and the same goes for a man too.
Friendship enables you to share your life with your spouse. It affords the opportunity to honour and support each other and admire yourselves. It is not automatic, it is worked out. Just like a good soup doesn’t just happen – you go to the market, buy the ingredients needed and cook to enjoy it – in the same way a good marriage is worked out.
Certain things that were before hidden in courtship become open in marriage which becomes a test to the spouses. Individual upbringing, differences begin to lay bare the personality married which reveals lots of work to be done.
By not doing so the marriage begins to break apart right from their minds. See your marriage as a tender plant that needs to be nurtured. Put effort to your marriage to make it work. Good marriage is a reward of the effort put into it.
The following are things that must be done to make your spouse your best friend:
1. Start writing down all the friendly qualities you want to see in your spouse. Write down the things you want to see in him/her, the things you want him or her to do.
2. Begin to treat your spouse the way you want to be treated. Be friendlier to make him or her friendly. Be more expressive and get the reward. The qualities you have listed, begin to express to your spouse as the Bible says you would reap what you sow
3. Take the lead. Don’t wait for your spouse to take the first step. Do first and see what happens.
4. Get to know the interest and passion of your spouse. It varies from sports to career to the children, etc. Be excited about it also. Encourage it also provided it is good. Read books about the profession of your spouse. Find out what happened in the office.
5. Find out how your spouse wants to be loved. For some women, it is helping them in the home in the house chores. Some feel loved when they are assisted to achieve their goals. Find out your spouse’s love language.
6. Don’t hesitate to talk frankly with each other. The truth should be said in love. Be polite in discussions and truthful also. It has been said that it is a true test of friendship to tell your friend his fault. Learn to speak painful truth through loving words. If your neighbor is eating insect and you don’t caution him or her, one way or the other you may share in its consequence.
7. Don’t restrict your love to only when your spouse does what is right. It should be expressed always even when mistakes are made. Stand by each other always, not only when things are good, not only when she submits, not only when he shows love, not only when there is money (Prov. 17:17).
8. We must understand that we would always offend one another but we are to forbear and forgive one another (Col. 3:13). Make excuse for each other’s behavior. Think yourself out of the feeling of not being loved. It is a noble thing to cover the blemishes of a friend, draw a curtain upon his or her weaknesses and display his or her perfections and bury the shortcomings in silence. Proclaim his or her virtues on the house tops. The liabilities of marriage are its weaknesses while its assets are its strength. Every marriage is garbage in garbage out. If your spouse is abused you would see the result. Don’t just sit down and complain and nag.
9. Be persistent in doing all that has been said (Gal. 6:9). Don’t be tired.
10. True friendship is a gift from GOD and only GOD who makes hearts can join two hearts together. Trust your marriage into GOD’S hands, play it according to GOD’S rules and your desire would be granted in Jesus’ name, amen.
Understand that friendship is loving rather than being loved. As you put these principles to work, the LORD would make your spouse your best friend.